Dear Presley,
We are at the end of March, and it's so hard to think that it's almost been two years since we lost you. I still remember everything about you so clearly, and maybe it's because I've been so scared to forget that I replay so many memories over and over every day. Some days are really, really hard, and others come easier. I know that no one else can see the pain I'm feeling because of the way I always seem to carry myself, and I put a smile on my face as much as I possibly can.
But.... the pain is there. I still find myself crying on the way to work and back somedays. I take longer showers some nights just so I can wash away all of the tears. I try to avoid the area of where you were last. I skip over visiting your grave, because some days it still doesn't and shouldn't seem real. I avoid some conversations, but still love hearing your name and this frog in my throat hardly ever goes away. It's like my emotions are on the edge of a cliff and I keep trying to pull it back from falling over.
Most days I wake up and wonder what you’re doing that day. I try to talk about you with Righley a lot, and he seems to struggle to get words out. I worry about him a lot and try to put on a brave face. I always tell him it's okay to talk about you and laugh. I think he understands, I just wish I could take away all of his pain.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much you would LOVE school. I wonder how many friends you would have, if you would have any crushes, and how protective Righley or even Clay would be of you at school. This would have been your first year at Cairo. Kindergarten teachers would love you, and your outgoing personality and your infectious laugh.
Mostly, I've been thinking about how much Ellie would love you. I think you would of been her favorite, even over Mommy. She would follow you around, and you would have loved that. Of course, I know you would have followed Righley around. Right now, Ellie would have to have a crib in our room, but eventually you two would of shared. I can see you two later on in life loving a BIG girl room for the both of you with bunk beds and matching desks. I'm always dreaming and wishing of how things would be if you were here. If only it wasn't a dream!
Later this year we are going to Disney... I always said I would take you when you turned 5, and I really wish I would have had the chance to. There are a lot of things I wish I could have done with you. Our time together was way too short. I'm making you a T-Shirt for Disney though, and we will take it with us along with your memory bear. We will remember you our entire trip and miss you even more! I know you are somewhere, hopefully thinking of us, and remembering all of us.
We all miss you!
I'll write again soon, promise!
I love you way, way more!
Mommy
#missourangel #presleygrace #mommysbaby #loveyouwaywaymore #always #forever #momofanangel #lettertomydaughter #lettertomyangel #lettertopresley
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