The one thing I've always feared with dealing with my grief is being stuck in life. Life is hard enough to live without someone you love, but when life seems to carry on without you. It tends to become harder. Everyone else around you is enjoying life while you make your self so busy that you can't love it.
Trauma.
Lord, the trauma that holds you back is so difficult to live with. You push back that trauma so much that you tend to feel nothing for a while, until it becomes so difficult that you can no longer breath.
You try to depend on others, but when you feel as though your a burden just by one person... the trust you have in others seems to disappear.
Little by little, you let life carry on without you.
The life you had before vanishes. Everyone doesn't seem to notice that your stuck behind and you are being swallowed by grief. You cease to exist to everyone, but especially yourself.
The person you were before is gone and your left with little you have to carry on.
I'm surviving it. I'm surviving life. Little by little, I'm becoming a NEW me. I'm discovering different things about myself, new things. I'm finding a new light to help me shine.
I have to let go of what I knew before, because what I knew and what I lived wasn't working anymore. I needed to disappear to grow. I need to grow and find myself again, but it won't be the old me. It will be a new me.
Everyone has their demons. We may not always respond in the way we should, but sometimes we are so deep that we can't see straight.
We love regardless, but we never love ourselves in the process.
That life that carried on without me, well... it's okay. I'll be okay. I'll find my way.
I am worthy of being happy.
I am worthy of love, to be adored, to have great relationships, and to love back.
It's okay to create a new life when you need to.
Sometimes in order to survive, we need to create that new life.
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