Fear of this world, fear for pain, and loss.
Are you a parent? Are you a grieving parent? Or has some type of trauma happened to you that involved your loved one?I did! When I lost my daughter in an accident, everything made me nervous. My son went around the yard on an ATV without a helmet. I freaked out. He did flips on the trampoline. I almost had a mini heart attack. Our littlest at 6 months old started to get sick. I snuggled her, and worried. Every single thing made me nervous.At first it seemed like I was a ticking time ball. After time passed I started to calm down and seemed to get better, but I never returned to the way I was before. I still tend to get nervous over small things. I still check my daughter when she is sleeping to make sure she is still breathing, and I have a contact at school I check on my oldest quite frequently.Before the accident I never worried about something happening to my children. I thought that they were invincible. I never thought something would happen to them. Even if accidents or traumas happened close to home, so how come it took something so tragic to happen for me to see the world? I never noticed kids dying, only the big events of the world. I always thought, "oh that will never happen to me." But here we are, and I'm a nervous wreck.I would love to put both of my children here on earth in a bubble or an under ground house like in the movie, "Blast from the Past." Away from this world, and all the pain it brings. All of us as parents seem to worry about a lot of things, but now these days we worry about even our children at school. There is so much fear in this world. I fear loss again, over and over again. I hate that parents feel this, and loved ones who have loss others. It must be the worst feeling to have. To hold in the pain, and to have fear of another loss. Always fearing a tragic, or pain. I read about stories of parents who have lost more than one, or parents who lost all children at once. I can't imagine their pain and loss or fear to have more children. The fear I have with losing one child at first was enough to lose it completely. Somehow, I managed to keep living life with friends, family and faith. My heart skips a beat at every call involving my kids. It skips a beat when I see an accident on the news. It aches when I see that children have died. It aches when I see others hurting. I live in fear, but I have faith that it is all of God's plan. Even if I don't love it.I may not always be this way. One day my heart may heal some. I feel as if it will never be perfect, but slowly as life goes on I breathe a little better. I pray that it will, and I pray that other parents heal. I pray that no one feels the pain and heartache that some of us go through, but everyone feels a little pain.That's just life. Pain happens. It's a sad world that we live in, but no one is perfect. We seem to just wish for the weekends or a big event to happen. I may be a nervous Momma, but I'm also a Hopeful Momma!
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